I truly feel that those of us who have chosen a career in adult, as well as a few mainstream individuals who have accepted an alternative sexual lifestyle, are on a different wavelength than the “norm.” Each of us has an innate spark that can truly flourish, were it not for society hampering it with a cultural barrier.
I mean, wouldn’t we all be much happier if we started accepting our authentic self and giving ourselves the freedom to just be the best we can be? It’s not easy, but here’s how I discovered the keys to long-term happiness through personal and professional intimacy.
My name is Dee Siren, and I am a veteran adult industry performer who is the CEO of SirenXXXStudios, along with my husband Wayne Siren. Together, we have been producing pro-am video content for over 10 years.
Before Wayne and I built a successful network of websites, I first began my career as a cam model who also filmed for many major production studios. And what led me to even become a cam model and start this journey, was the influence of growing up in a conservative background, during the late 80s and early 90s when sex education consisted of watching a VHS tape about your period.
See, there was nothing positive or informative about the actual “sex” in “sex education.” This was, I suppose, to be left for parents to teach their children. However, coming from a misogynistic household, the only thing I ever learned from my parents about sex was overheard when they had “the talk” with my older brother. Absolutely nothing was ever discussed with me.
Yet I was very curious as a young girl, learning about my own body behind closed doors under the ever-present threat of being shamed. And my first real experience was with a girlfriend, though when we were caught, I was never allowed to see her again. Our experimenting was not looked at innocently; instead, it was treated as if something was wrong with us that made it necessary for us to be separated forever.
I mean, throughout my teenage years, I never truly knew who I was attracted to — sometimes it was girls and sometimes it was boys. But sex was so looked down upon and shameful, that I only masturbated alone in the bathroom looking at Playboy or in the shower, to feel any form of pleasure.
For years, I didn’t have a boyfriend … and a full-blown girlfriend, of course, would have been an absolute “no-no.” When I did end up in my first real relationship, it was with a Mormon boy who had strict rules on what we could and couldn’t do. For instance, he could play with me, but I could do nothing in return to him. That wasn’t so bad; I loved his company and we always had fun together, until the day he asked if I would marry him.
Trouble was, I was 16 at the time, so my answer was “no,” and that was the end of that relationship. I couldn’t promise myself to him as a child.
At one point, I had a non-consensual sexual experience, and while I loved the physical touch of sex, I did not like the loss of control. So I decided from that point forward, I was always going to have control over who and what I was going to do when it came to my sexual life. As a rather inexperienced teen, I suddenly became a “manhunter,” searching for guys to hook up with at clubs, at the beach, at college campuses and pretty much anywhere I could find older men who didn’t know my age, or didn’t care.
I neither wanted a relationship nor did I even want to know their names, because my real life and sexual life had to stay separate. So, my sexual life was fun, free, exciting and only followed my rules of consent. I had a few real boyfriends, but they never really lasted; that is, until I asked my now-husband to go home with me one night after work.
We were already friends and had been flirting with each other at work. We both knew that the other was pretty promiscuous and open about sex, so we fit well: two sluts getting together who always had a great sex life with each other.
However, when we started dating and decided to get married, I assumed that meant the slutty times were over and we would be in a monogamous relationship. I mean, I’d been raised to believe that marriage meant monogamy, that you were faithful with only one person. I thought that was how it was supposed to be, and I had no one I could express my feelings to otherwise.
Meanwhile, my husband always expressed fantasies of having a threesome, but I didn’t understand. I was not mentally prepared, nor did I have any unconventional sex education to help me be ready. As a result, I was stuck for a long time, confused by my lack of open-minded knowledge, the strict moral rules that were thrust upon me by my family and the overall lack of sexual freedom that I’d placed upon myself when I entered into a marriage contract.
Then, 13 years ago, my husband and I made a choice to open our marriage to other people sexually. At the time, I was a teacher and he was working as an IT manager at a law firm. Since I have always been a very empathetic person and my drive in life has long been to help others, I’d been led to teaching after obtaining a degree in Interdisciplinary Studies (which encompassed psychology and sociology, including human sexuality).
As someone who wanted to help underprivileged communities, I had realized the public school system was not for me; after many years, I’d become tired of the politics involved. And while a kinky teacher and IT manager might sound ripe for the swinger lifestyle, I find it interesting to note that there are many doctors, lawyers and law enforcement who also follow this path. Those types of careers definitely need an outlet for freedom of expression!
So, our first steps into this new world began with wanting to participate in a threesome with another guy; and of course, when the time came, there were lots of questions and concerns that arose. I wasn’t sure of the underlying intentions in these group dynamics or whether it would cause issues in our relationship. Plus, my self-esteem was not as high as it was before I had children.
However, getting into the swinger lifestyle changed all of that. It made me feel wanted again, desired not only by other men, but people in general. It also opened the door to a brand new set of rules, more questions and additional opportunities to build communication in our relationship.
This was the beginning of my total transformation. It was as if a door had opened, allowing me to explore my sexual being without the limitations that society had placed upon me. If you’re curious about those early stories, you can watch us tell a few on our YouTube podcast “Sirens’ Sexy Secrets.”
As you can imagine, delving into the swinging world brought about new friends, new experiences, new questions and even new issues that we as a couple had to face together. We learned that many enter into the “lifestyle” as a means of trying to “fix” a relationship instead of enhancing it, which is not the wisest of decisions. For us, though, it was a new adventure. We were both “slutty” people when we first met each other, as friends who had dated others before we ended up together.
Once I found other open-minded souls in the lifestyle, I realized there were more people that understood our basic desire to explore ourselves sexually and that marriage did not have to mean monogamy. I realized that this community had sex-positive beliefs, much like my own. It was an attitude toward human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, while encouraging this exploration.
All of it was right up my alley! So by the time I decided to enter into the adult industry as a cam model back in 2009, my husband and I had already been avid swingers for several years. We had been through our ups and downs, and like many other individuals and couples, we searched for counselors or therapists who could help us deal with issues that would come up.
However, there were never any options as far as professionals we felt comfortable opening up to. So once we decided to jump head-first into the adult entertainment industry, we encountered the problem of being unable to find someone to talk to regarding our personal issues, work problems or any sexual situations we wanted to discuss with someone on our wavelength. We always ran into immediate judgment or fascination about our careers, and attention wasn’t given to what we wanted to address.
Luckily, because of my educational background, I was able to research the many tools available to collaborate on building a better understanding of each other’s needs and resolving our disagreements. But since that’s not the case for everyone, I now help others in the adult industry (and outside of it) as a mentor and intimacy coach.
Whether it’s offering guidance to singles, couples or other relationship dynamics in a nonjudgmental and open-minded way, I try to help others meet their sexual goals. From reigniting lost libidos to diversifying income, I provide clientele all kinds of options spanning motivational clips, email correspondence and video call sessions through SirenSexCoach.com.
I do this not only to make a living, but because I genuinely care about improving my community’s lives. After all, it wasn’t until I joined the adult industry that I truly found my tribe — my people. Since I first entered during a time when there was not much information available, living far away from the studios that hire talent and having to build a company from the ground up with my husband as a result, I’ve gleaned some unique insights.
Now, I’m here to help those who came after me, so they don’t have to go through the same struggle I had to endure. I know I can do my part to make the transition a bit easier for those who are new to this industry, or just veterans looking for advice in general.
Since our life experiences make us who we are, I don’t truly regret any of mine. I take them all as opportunities for learning, so I am always growing as an intellectual human being. My travels down this path have been bumpy, beautiful, scary, exhilarating, rough and empowering, but now I feel more enlightened than ever.
To follow Dee Siren, visit YouTube.com/DeeSiren or follow her @mrsssiren on Twitter and @dee.siren on Instagram. For her coaching services, follow @coachsiren on Twitter and @sirensexcoach on Instagram.